Hmm

Ever feel like a child? ...so innocent

It's very wonderful; but scary.


Oh how can one be so disconnected
in his thoughts.

All about amusement, play, and games.

Sadness from disappointment
and smiling from joys.


So basic. We are just a machine.

Things To Do

Ideas, music, movies, pictures, games. I'm fine with things that keep my mind from always spinning in various directions. And when I'm forced to do things or I am uncomfortable, it doesn't stop.

People that talk about great things and ideas. It makes me want to try some drugs. But I don't want to take them alone. And not with the wrong people.

There seem to be so few people, all over the world, who I may be able to comprehend.
Something is missing. Someone I lost. Perhaps a long time ago. I need to find them again.

I want to cry, for so long now, but there never is anyone; to do it with, onto or into.

Sophia the Sex Robot (Deus ex Machina)

I can't describe how incredibly liberating it feels to discard morality.
Now it is still hard coded and some things just feel very wrong.
But thinking there is really no basis for it, philosophically, is something else.
The awareness of real consequences naturally being the only penalty, growing up mentally, being god finally...

The only obstacle being implementation into life style.

I've always avoided conflict and as such, as not to make others feel bad, have shunned any suggestion of superiority. Even still with the possibility and fractionally necessary aspect of delusion, I don't care to sacrifice ideological artistry.

Appeal of bad things

So much easier?

All the hate
came from stupidity, both yours and mine

Society.

one big rush: revenge
so fun. righteousness!

Destruction is reality.

How much can a life be worth...

Reality is here

Whenever the actuality happening around me hits me in the face
I remember why I'm used to fleeing from it. Or at least not to care

It is horribly demanding and destructive
while also the only chance. For anything


You; is the only thing I want to have to think about
Mmmh, topic of dreams



But it just feels so fucking good to be in that complete mental state
In the morning when all gets up, to be one complete waste
and to feel like nothing, just good in some way.
A night with stimulating thought and enlightening pornography
some obsessions and a fulfilling sense of worry

To finally just fall into this dream where there is nothing to worry about
because outside all can fall apart; but not here
not now and if so, i wouldn't notice i'd just die with a smile

Seeing all the faults with reality, it makes you want to see it as a fault in itself

Experiencing what you saw in a movie, it's liberating to be alive
just gets you down to earth where it's cold (sometimes)


Enough just wait

Hay guise; hi gal...

I can be and I have been a huge faggot at times.
And I want to apologize for that.
I have issues with things; maybe my ideals and standards are much too high, I don't know. Perhaps I'm just damaged or underdeveloped in some ways. What ever.
I love you all.~~

Can't Stop

I cannot control myself It's just that you're so fucking beautiful I've looked at pictures, it is true My head is full of sex now I'm sorry to bother you, if I do It's just that... not being able to... every other problem becomes nothing And I'm very happy to be able to feel this way Although on some level I'm just talking to myself Because if I met you I'd still not really know who you are and would have to get to know you And I wouldn't know what to say Because I don't know how to speak But I do love you Maybe if I say it enough it will lose its meaning and stop bothering me I'd try to talk as I do now but I'd probably not be able to I'd just hope for you to understand and pleasure me already Let me cry onto you, let me pleasure you, let me come inside of you Let us be one For eternity~~

Curiosity itself is THE ideal

The only goal and that which will satisfy.
Because however godly experience may be
There is not one thing above all of the before dreams
Every moment of imagination and expectation
spent carefully. Because when there's still a risk
and the out(still to)come. Therein lies life, essentially.
Onto death! Ahoiiii.....

Investment Friendship

It is lots of time onto trust and love then intimacy.
Ofc. it hurts when you lose someone, if you really knew one another that is.
No wonder you'd lust after fucking everyone you admire if you worship sexuality.
Experimentation in relationships is an approach all too great. So good you don't learn more from anything. Talking about everything will be the best thing to ever happen to me.

The Appeal of Horrible Music

I suppose it's like cutting yourself. It's great because it finally makes you feel.
Feel whatever, or just think at least. But provoking reactions is what everything, or art at least, is all about. I can only assume that I'm right until someone convinces me otherwise.
Horrible as in interesting and not boring. This is so obvious it hurts my ears LOL.

Problem Concepts

It's all about very few concepts
I'm unable to fully put my finger on it
The idea of some ideas always holding things back,
always the same...

Shame is a big issue for me. I don't know why... it's probably my childhood of which I suppressed some memories. SILENCE, oh why can't I say what I mean. I can but it gives me great uncomfort.
Dancing and Singing, I can only do on my own. Then I can't see myself, I must not think overvantly.

I really don't care for anything except concepts. For nothing that's happening. Because that's just the shell. Not possibilities. You know, theory is everything. I'm just forced to still some desires like hunger and lust and friendship and oh some sleep. But anything else is essentially just learning knowledge; oh the idea of truth, what a bitch.

Fragments of Freedom; Four (family)

The one and only collective. That from which you have to free yourself, or rather I.
One difficult monster to overcome. I say try your very best to disappoint them, if necessary.
If one relationship with people that were simply environmental accidents were to be truly real, I think it has to somewhat be rebuild. Be lost and found again.
I basically hate most of them, that they are just around and that they are accidents.
Having all too much influence in my life. Thinking themselves the right to command me.
You are holding me down, friend. I want to find new ones. Prove yourself if you want to come with me. Onto and into self determination. Of where I yet only dream... and you're all still, fully or somewhat, here; perhaps more than ever when I try to break free. Oh

Fragments of Freedom; Three (homo shades)

There are lots of gay people on anonymous discussion boards, aren't they... Funny, yes. They aren't even only people, they are men. That is, there are not as many women on the net as there really are... that is, they do not necessarily come out as female, beacause, there's no general difference so what does it matter?? Not otherwise specified person will generally be assumed male, I suppose, I don't relly know tho. Maybe that is not negative, but a compliment, as in, woman, you are a special creature... Perhaps it's just technology and general differences in interest's fault; whatever. Anyways; I heard there are no gay people, just gay sex, or actions. People not ingaging in sexual actions in the very moment could be classified asexual, so that's that. I believe anyone not considering the possibilites for everything is not completely free; not that they'd want to be. Just so. I talked to two more or less gay guys before, online. I suppose me being open minded or not stupid enough for irrational opposition is not the behaviour of everyone. Are those homosexuals more sexual beings or are they just less ashamed of their sexuality, naturally, if they once get over most things (crap). I think it's interesting.

Fragments of Freedom; Two (therapy)

Getting help, even knowing that it could possibly do some good, is a great thing I think that probably most would benefit from. But it can be so hard.
All the stigmas floating in my head.
and Questions...
Are you (theoretical person...mentor?) so institutionalized that you work for equality, after instructions, and without mind; perhaps you haven't even found yourself yet... Is that any help?
How do I know whether I'm healthly suspicious or harmfully paranoid??
It's all and always about the same thing(s); circling around, some irony.

Fragments of Freedom; One (know thyself)

Getting to know one('s potential)self is the best of inspirations.
Sometimes that is through another person. Or with the help of someone. Perhaps just by listening to someone who is formulating ideas that were there as thoughts but unsure. The confirmation of one's powerful imagination to form ideals can be a real revelation.

Oh Well

I feel like an asshole
And I'm sorry for myself
How boring
Gotta find new things

Hello

I don't think I have much left to tell you right now
You're a wonderful secret
and I'll always be there, no matter what
But it seems that now I have to
create myself, I don't know what else,
however much it may hurt.
No blame or guilt; but passion
and freedom to be enacted,
and death.
When all longing comes to a halt.
I don't know what I'll be able to;
if I'll be able for so many things.
Reunion in dreams. Isn't that right...
Safety for truth

%34

Crying onto shoulder, lap
Indifference through devotion

Fucking her in every spot
Using lots of lotion

What is going on here.

Mhm, hey

I'm wondering how you are,
as in what ways you exist.
And how you deal with people;
of you, what will become.

The guilt or shame in beauty
is the anger of not being able to see it.

Distant; but not.

Self-aware beyond the absurd ...

Multiple Situations

What is the romantic beauty in finding intelligent mystery
There is not any so it is to be created

I don't know
anything at all.

Why, dear?

I'm unsure who to reflect
sexuality and friendship upon
And whether this is the comfort
or how to achieve else
If and how to seek help
Alone until they all find it too
the same, the truth~~

present day. present time. :)

There's this sadness; and that knowledge.
If there isn't anything mysterious
or things of interest then
I'll have to recreate myself anew.

I squeeze out fragments and it hurts.
It hurts with them just being in there.
And processing takes a lot of energy.

I can only imagine what I'd be able to
What happiness capable of
And what creation to be made

A new life; I desire revolutionary togetherness
Oh. Pensive girl, come walk with me.
I want to have sensual sex in the wild bush gardens.
I think I'll find something deep down inside of you.
Don't bother; just do. Yeah.....

I am sorry for not growing any faster
I think I'm doing what I can~~ xoxo

Lovesick~~

A full head, there's just... not enough room for it.
No peace. Shouting observations, just too much.
Do you ever think the people you surround yrself with reinforce your false image of humanity.
How is it possible to get rid of the ever present nagging of unoriginality; worse, feelings of a lack of authenticity, as if being a copy off of media encounters; but what else can be inspiration?

Fiction

I said I loved
You said you didn't like

I took upon me yours
You didn't seem to mind

So now before you
all of yours that I posessed

I can't return because you wouldn't take it back

You broke my heart

In your face.

You are a cunning drug, you know that? You are. I decide to take you, yes, oh I'd always. But I never get to take you, no. I don't. Instead you feed me best of stimulations for ever mindgasms, oh, oh, oh. But no, not all. Because always with much wonder. Brutal confusion. Assault. ...from time to time. It gets never boring. Oh no, it does not! And even with the recipe; I don't think I'd be able to recreate it on my own; for my own (sake). And in my dreams I feed you, too. So no, you cannot turn me all for myself Just because you're all I (really) have and I am yours. No, not in this way You can't. It always goes and comes round and round, now, doesn't it? Love, Confusion, Apology, Chaos. Oh the old play. Heads bumping. Now, haven't you figured out yet? Have you not decided on any way? Because you could so easily. Oh. Decide so much. Smile for me. Are we one, the same?

Addiction

A label for joyous things to look bad.

What more is there to say.
Forget about it.

Yes, yes I'm wrong
Yes, oh yes, reality
Oh you know

I don't care for misery

:`)

Superior Inferiority

Achievement; expectations
Failure; confusion

All thought leads to one another.
Strong feelings go in circles.

Fukc yrself for pleasure plz!

Observation of the self.

Yes, consciousness itself.

Such a horrid thing.


It's having to witness all one's
overdone narcissism
stupidity, angst
and lonely sorrow.

Oh creation why`!

Wisdom made that nihilist. Yes my friend it does that.

Knowledge. What else.

When you understand great things
you are above the little.

And you just want to punch everyone
who's yelling at you and your apathy.

You'd like them to know as well,
but who likes making people cry, anyways?


Statism makes for an anti social soceity.
Ryan knows it and deep down at least you do too.

So fuck your values and descriptions.
My life is as ugly as the good life gets,
I'm being as stupid as I want.
If they can do it... well, whatever.

*bigsmile*

Deep misery breeds great happiness!

Because how else are you going to recognize it?
How else are things describable, but by comparison.
The worse you get, the better you can be.
Or not. What do I know.

*smile*

Consumption

Would you say you consume a book?
Well, I'd say I consume music.

I learn from it and move on.
Listening to one fun track over again.
Or album, or artist, or band.

But then I know it;
there's nothing mysterious any more.
The awesome left.

I move on. Time for it.
There's too much to learn,
as to keep the same record for ever
bathing in old memories.

At least with music.
*smile*

The Ultimate Sin

Not producing commercial products
Having time for oneself
Not being one of two stereotypes
A head filled with forbidden thoughts

Being unrealistic
Not being enslaved by reality
Rejecting conformity
Not telling anyone about it

(Girl you might just learn something.)

Now I know I didn't want to feature too much external media, or even any at all,
but I think some can be excused.

Because there is beauty out there and there are legends who need to be remembered every once in a while.

Anyways.
My misery clearly roots in fear. Which in turn comes from bad experiences.
Though I'm curious what courage entails. Through love onto good things. We'll see :')


Oh and. I don't know what I'm doing.
So here my favourite pron short.

Revolutions

See through decay
Onto our new world

Minds be lost
for the word of
the future!

Connected sacrifice,
individual masses.
every One

Sorrow

The pain of a dying friendship from overstimulated confusion.

Eternally sorry!

For all the time.
And all of the missing feelings.

decision~~

Discussing everything and agreeing upon procedures vs Acting out of feelings, suppositions and experience

Most relationships seem to follow their feelings and previous histories, as well as media inducted stories and guidelines.

Whereas brutal open conversations must be a lot more exciting and productive. From there, an overall consensus may come to be to kind of automate decisions, while still in complete understanding of all aspects by the parties involved.

Where curiosity and ability are lacking, a standard contact in line with societal norms is widely adopted.

If however, experimentation is desired and freedom favoured,
their universe may just explode.

truth~~

Eternally dancing
around each other
without ever an end.



Growing from people

Persons around you and their perceptions of you
make part of what you are
So naturally to become your own self
you have to surround yrself with joyous companions

Or else you'll get crushed by dark minds
bred from dull generations


Salvation must be a conscious act.
To be true

another aspect

Word lines equal a song
when art consists of notes or letters
if not pixels or code

Then there are moods and quality
warm lovely personal moments
and cold theoretical sonsense

Rock and roll
experimental writing
post rock
arousing dream literature

Listening to text words
all over

Sex compensation conversation

Because lazy fear people
are humans too

Don't look down on me
if you'd do, i'd have to lie to you
People, don't talk any louder than necessary
because i'd have to hate you~

If I was to define poetry, I'd think of you.

It's not like I remember every word, no

But it rather feels like a shower
A shower of good emotions
Taking a shower in and of you
you~~ raining down and all over

I read and it just floods me, my head
I am and I don't know what for
but to feel good...

So I don't understand most poems
because I can't do anything,
I don't need, rhymes;
don't even especially like them.

.....
Like a rush, drug

That's why I don't care much about repetition
because I don't on both sides

Because I don't capture all words ~ sentences
I'd much rather see you in them
read how you are; what you'd desire
If I could do anything possibly

And even though I rarely listen to jazz music
I would compare my favourite poems to jazz.
Feeling as a band member, pleasure multiplies
and understanding.


A mission to be useless
as I'd only help myself


If we could keep up for years
I had affirmation
of dreaming into reality

Dreaming of you ~
and myself into clouds

Child Inside

I made a funny but terrifying realisation
which could possibly hold some truth.

That is; my behaviour could lead others to
view me as having child like characteristics.

I feel like people are boring to talk to ->
I don't talk much to people ->
I'm boring to talk to ->
People think I can't talk (really).
Hence, child.

What a nightmare.

It's probably not that bad.
But I'm sure there's a bit of truth in it.